My most gay, non-gay post

So, a few years back, my buddy's fiance (now wife) told him that I have some gay tendencies (Just a quick side track. I once told this to my cousin and she responded, "Really? You don't dress up in women's clothing." Oh, what she must think gay people are like). Now, I don't know exactly what she (my buddy's fiance) was referring to, but there are times in my life that I can't put up a good defense.

Which brings me to my last weekend's activity. Like I had planned, I went on a hike to some grottos in Malibu. I know that isn't something that summons up questions of my sexual orientation (maybe if I threw on a garter belt...), but what I did before hand kind of does. To accompany me on my hike was my friend, Chandler. Before we went on the grueling 3 1/2 mile trot, we decided to grab something to eat. Chan always knows of good places to get a quick snack and took me to a little spot called "Little Blue" in Calabasas.

Now, this is where my defense weakens. I first need to start off by saying, I was pleasantly whelmed by "Little Blue"; it was quite a quaint dive. And what did we eat? We shared (yeah, that's right, shared) a sandwhich called an "Ellen's Special"... and a cheese plate. Sadly, this isn't the first time Chan and I have shared a cheese plate. About a week before, we shared a succulent plate in the valley. Also, after sharing our cheese plate, tucked away together in the corner, we just had to skip next door and peek at the Kardashian's Clothing Boutique...

This is where I picture myself defending my sexuality in a courtroom.

The attorney asks, "Mr. Funk, do you like men?"

"No, not in the way you're implying."

"Really? Well Mr. Funk, please describe to me your lunch this past weekend."

"Well, you see, my friend Chandler and I shared this cheese plate at this great spot in Calabasas. Oh, it was right next door to that Kardashian Boutique... shit."

I really need a good make-out with a hot girl to reaffirm my manhood.

Oh, and the hike was alright.

New Things

I have never been good at blogging. I've almost had an opposition to it... for a few reasons. First of all, I associate blogs with married people who tell everyone how great their lives are. I suppose their lives could just be that awesome, but to me, they lack genuineness, something I really appreciate... and maybe I'm a bit jealous. I get it, you're married. You went to Hawaii. Your kids are cute (Aw, look, his first spaghetti experience... it's all over his face. So adorable...).

Also, I have thought, why should I blog? Who would care what I have to say? And honestly, I do think that. But there is a part of me that wants people to care. Then, subsequently, the fear arises - what if no one cares what I have to say? I know, I shouldn't worry about that. I need to push that fear to the back of my head. I shouldn't blog for other people. I want to blog for myself.

I do want to say that I am self conscious about my writing ability. I'm just not very good at it. I read what I have written and usually think, "this sucks." But I figure, the only way to improve my writing is to do more of it. So, those who actually suffer through reading any of these posts, I apologize, but let's just hope it improves.

Which now brings me to my reason for posting today. There are a myriad of things I want to try, stuff I want to experience. So, what it is that holds me back? Honestly, laziness and fear. For example, I love the outdoors, but I don't get out much. Why don't I? I don't take the time to figure out where I can go. Let's attribute that one to laziness. Next example, fear. I have always wanted to approach a girl I've never met before, strike up a conversation and get her number. I feel that is an experience I need to have. Why have I never tried it? The cliche fear of rejection. But additionally, the fear of annoying the girl. Really though, that just comes back to me, because I have some weird fear of being the source of such annoyance.

I don't want my fear and laziness to hold me back anymore. I was thinking today that my opportunity to do new things is disappearing. Right now, I have a window of time that I can really do whatever I want. I need to take advantage of that. Who wants to have regret later in life?

So, I am going to try a new thing (or something I haven't done in a long time) each week. I will post my activities, and how they went, here. Some will be simple, like learning to re-string my guitar or try a new recipe. Others will be more elaborate. But I just want to experience and discover new things. In posting them, it will give me some sense of accountability, if only, to myself. But if anybody reads this and has ideas, new things I could try, I would love to hear them.

My first two activities:

Activity #1 - I've heard there are grottos in Malibu. I want to go.

Activity #2 - Go to a horse race track.

Open-Minded

I don't know why I continue to watch Real Time with Bill Maher. His unreasonable generalizations are just as ridiculous as Fox News and Glenn Beck's ability to find a "scare you shitless" story about, say, a photo taken of President Obama years before. The difference to me is when I hear Fox News, I just role my eyes and can't take them seriously because I feel in some way, they don't really believe that President Obama is a secret Muslim trying to bring down democracy and strip me of my freedom. That is just a good tagline to throw it to commercial. As for Bill Maher, I think he actually believes that if one is critical of President Obama's policies, it is only because he is black. What gets me is that he actually believes he is open-minded.

I wish SNL Weekend Update would do a "Really, Bill Maher, Really?" sketch, but I'm going to save my birthday wish for something more important, like a white suede vest sported by the great Boyz II Men (I hold my breath every time I open a present, hoping for that white vest). But I digress. My point is that Bill Maher is NOT open-minded. Open-minded somehow has gotten mixed up with progressive (which I would also argue is not the correct term, but a matter of opinion). But if people don't agree with Bill Maher's progressive ideology, he deems them close-minded, religious, Republican bigots.

Bill Maher is just as much of a bigot as he accuses others to be!

big-ot:

-noun a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

I'm not defending the people who don't share Bill Maher's views. There are people who are right-wing, Fox News fanatics that are bigots. Only, it is the smug, I know better than you, attitude of hypocritical Bill Maher that gets me - along with anyone who claims they are open-minded, but really just think those who share their opinion are the real "open-minded" ones.

So, if you love European green energy, universal healthcare, and believe that every Homosexual has the right to marry (I'm not taking a stand on any of these here) and you condemn anyone who doesn't share that point of view while you drive around in your Prius (complete with a Darwin-Jesus fish) with a trunk full of organic food stuffed in canvas bags, you are just as close-minded as you are accusing others to be.

Bill Maher, it is possible to respectfully disagree. And I disagree with many of your opinions, you left-wing liberal, immoral, s.o.b., devil in a Gucci suit who is destroying the fabric of our society...

My Welcome

This is my first, dare I say, my inaugural post. Now, me being new to the blogging world, I am sure everyone starts their blog with explanations why they decided to write one. My reasons are in no way unique. In reality, it boggles my mind as to why anyone would ever be interested in my petty thoughts. So, after my dismissive, "humble" slight, I think I can officially join the blog-o-sphere.